For me, this is probably the most painful part of this journey.

 

The additional needs, the extreme behaviours, the delayed development — I’ve accepted those and learned to just get on with it. But him not being able to communicate his needs, to tell me if he’s feeling unwell, to ask those curious little questions children always do, or to say the funny, random things that make you laugh — that’s what I miss the most.

We take speech for granted.

We assume it’s a given, until it isn’t.

I used to fixate on every little noise he made, convincing myself it was a word. My brain would play tricks on me, letting me believe what brought me happiness — the same way a mother might tell her child not to listen to others who say Santa isn’t real, just so they can hold onto the beautiful magic a little longer.

I don’t fixate so much anymore.

Now, I just pray — and live with hope in my heart — that one day, I’ll hear him respond to my “I love you” with “I love you too, Mam.”

People ask me all the time, “Do you think he’ll ever speak?”

And I always reply, “Hopefully.”

Last week, his teacher sent me a video of him counting to ten.

I’ve watched it more times than I can count — and cried with pride and joy every single time.

So, if you’re in the same place, fighting the same emotional battles, fixating daily — let it go.

This one is out of your control, and there’s no timescale for if or when.

Just keep walking with hope in your heart. 💛